Something about modern dating doesn’t sit right with me. While I’m not one to glorify the past, there was a certain je ne sais quoi about courting and old school monogamy that the hopeless romantic in me is admittedly fond of. I have talked about online dating before, and said that I use dating apps while simultaneously wishing they didn’t exist. But aside from (though undoubtedly encouraged by) these apps, I think it comes down to technology as a whole, and the effect it has had on our interpersonal skills. Or rather, lack thereof. And therein lies the problem with modern dating.

Globalisation and the improvement of communications tech means that we can chat with people on the other side of the world in real time. While this has benefited society in innumerable ways, I would argue that it has taken away a lot of the magic that comes along with dating. Instead of meeting someone out in the real world and getting to know them over a series of thoughtful dates that leave you feeling warm and fuzzy inside, we swipe through hundreds of people like they are products in a catalogue and rapidfire date as many of them as possible in a bizarre real life dating show scenario where people compete for affection and for a chance to… what? Sleep together a couple of times, then move on? Because it certainly doesn’t seem like the right way to go about finding love, and isn’t that what we all really want, in the end?

The instant gratification and upgrade culture that has taken over so much of our consumerist-driven world has firmly planted itself between potential love interests and demanded that both parties be more interesting, better looking, and have more Instagram followers than the countless others in the lineup. What ever happened to meeting someone, having a lovely time, and investing in what could potentially be a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship? I’m not saying that we should “settle”, I’m just saying that there will always be someone out there who is a little taller, who you find a little more attractive, a little funnier, and who would get you more likes when you post selfies together. And you know what that means? 

Nothing. It means nothing.

In the grand scheme of things, one-upping your dates is more likely to lead to a life of  deep-seated loneliness and shallow connections than anything else. If you look at someone you have a wonderful connection with, someone you have blossoming feelings for, and think “I could do better”, itching to get your phone out and keep looking (red flags aside)… something is not right. With you, yes, but more so with the world. We are all byproducts of the society we live in, so don’t take it too personally. 

This is the moment where I interject with a couple of important notes. Firstly, casual encounters are totally fine if that is what all parties involved truly want (remember to communicate about this). Casual sex can be wonderful and fulfilling on a different level, and sometimes it’s all people can manage. Secondly, I am not absolved of all guilt here. I readily admit that I am deeply entrenched in this toxic dating cesspool, but gosh, am I trying to get my head above the muck and make changes in my own life, I truly am. And I would encourage you to take a long, hard (pun intended) look at your own dating life and decide if it is really fulfilling, or just… filling. Ahem.

Ultimately, this is the (dating) world we live in and we can’t expect it to change overnight. But we can make an effort in our own lives that sees us having healthier relationships where we treat people less like a potential notch in our belt, and more like… well, like people. With thoughts and feelings and ambitions and stories and so, so much worth. 

The perfect person doesn’t exist, so stop trying to find them, and start investing in the ones with flaws that make them exquisitely unique, then watch your love life transform. 

What do you think of modern dating?

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