Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of writing for other people. It’s hard not to feel like my words are going to waste somehow, like there is a finite string of them in my head that is quickly unravelling, spooling on the page, the page that isn’t truly mine. Sure, my name is in the byline most of the time. And I’m compensated for my efforts. But that’s not what it’s really about.
Am I using my words for good? Yes—I work for an ethical company that is making positive changes in the world. But am I using my words for my good? That’s a different question entirely.
I’ve never been one for consumerism. I have vivid memories of dragging my feet in the shopping centre behind my mother and her mother and my cousin as a child, throwing small tantrums at my fate of being trapped in a giant cage full of mindless products for hours on end, week after week. I may have been a little dramatic, but even now, I find little pleasure in being surrounded by endless rows of stuff. Maybe little Bella had some kernel of wisdom hidden in those moments.
It’s tricky, trying to get by in a world that is so focused on more, when you’re of the mindset that everyone could do with a little less. Well, a little less of what people think they need. And a lot more of what they barely realise they’re missing.
Life is about connection. Humans are social creatures, even the introverted ones like myself. We all just want to love and be loved. But we live in a society that prioritises its skewed definition of success over the true meaning we seem to have lost long ago.
Thankfully, more and more people are waking up to this fact, and making changes in their own lives and even the lives of those around them by living more ethically and sustainably. They are going vegan and encouraging their loved ones to do the same. They are only buying second hand or ethically made clothing. They are working for companies that give back, and boycotting ones that don’t. They are doing as much as they can in the capitalist, consumerist, materialist culture so many of us find ourselves in…
But I digress. What I’m trying to say is that I’m a little lost. I’m constantly torn between wanting to be plugged in, switched on, making a visible difference in the world—and wanting to jump ship to go live off the grid with a vegetable garden bigger than the house and seventeen rescue cats. The battle ebbs and flows, but it’s always waging in my mind somewhere. So I’ve decided to find a balance.
At the end of the day, this is the world we live in. As much as some of us might loathe it, money, and, yes, stuff, is essential to exist comfortably here. And that’s okay. Not all meaning has to be lost in a transaction. All we can do is work towards ensuring our money is coming from a good place, and going to a good place. So that’s what I’m working on. And the seventeen cats aren’t off the table, either.
I have set up Buy Me A Coffee! If you have ever found my writing helpful or insightful, or you just think I’m cute, it’s an easy (and cheap) way to show your support—a big thank you to those who have contributed so far!
As usual, please feel free to ask me any questions in the comments or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
One thought on “The Subtle Art of Feeling a Little Lost”
I’m all in for the 17 cats idea!
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