My Top 8 Things That Really Matter in a Partner

I wrote a “List of Perfection” many years ago with my mother over a coffee. It was a fun little bonding moment, brainstorming a bunch of traits and characteristics that my ideal partner would have – 63(!) at the last count. I added things and took things away over the years, and would whip it out, half-jokingly, whenever it started getting semi-serious with someone I was dating. Now, a mere month before I officially enter my late-20s, after two years of being single, it doesn’t feel right anymore. Or rather, it feels like I should write down what really matters, as an exercise of manifestation. I don’t know if it will achieve anything as wonderful as, you know, meeting ~you~, but it will help me feel like I am doing something positive and productive for my love life (or lack thereof).. So, here goes. The top 8 things that actually matter to me in a partner, in no particular order.

1. We need to be able to laugh together. So hard that we cry, and so often that people wonder if we are okay. Humour is so important to me, especially with people I’m close to, so our senses of humour need to match up in some pretty big ways.

2. Our physical chemistry has got to be off the charts. I’m talking can’t-keep-our-hands-off-eachother-except-at-public-events-where-it-gets-a-little-inappropriate levels of chemistry. Physical touch is one of my highest scoring love languages so this is pretty bloody important. Simply locking eyes should make us want to snack on each other for hours.

3. Making time for each other. Quality time is another top scoring love language for me, and I’ve only realised since being with someone who doesn’t share this one that it is a necessity. The thing is, I don’t need to see you every minute of every day – alone time is valuable and lovely. But we must make time to spend together as often as we can. Life is too damned short not to be with the one(s) you love.

4. You’ve gotta be passionate about something. I don’t really care what it is, there just needs to be something in your life that makes your soul light up, your eyes big and your hands gesturing when you talk about it. There are few things in life more lovable than someone who has deep passions.

5. You have to carry a sense of adventure in your pocket. My wanderlust is omnipotent and yours should be, too. Seeing as much of the world as possible before shuffling off this mortal coil is something very close to my heart, and I just can’t picture myself being with someone long-term if they don’t share this goal. Let’s see the world together, baby.

6. Intersectionality has to mean something to you. You have to have enough empathy and social awareness to know that injustices like racism, sexism, transphobia, speciesism etc. are rampant and in need of our attention. You gotta call that shit out when you see it. We are all so wonderfully unique, and our differences should bring us together to fight the good fight.

7. We have to be on the same wavelength emotionally. I’ve spent too many years rescuing boys and releasing them into the world as men, usually left heartbroken in the dust wondering what the hell happened. I’ve literally had numerous mothers reach out to me after relationships ended, thanking me for the influence I had on their sons, and wishing it had worked out between us. Me too, mums. Me too. Please, be ~there~ already. Be ready and willing to dive into love with me, so we can tackle the ups and downs of our lives together as an unstoppable team. I’m ready to be with someone who I have no doubts about, and who has no doubts about me.

8. God, I hope you’re vegan, or at least open to the lifestyle. The planet is dying, love. It’s the least we can do. Come, let me show you.

What matters most to you in a partner?

I have set up Buy Me A Coffee! If you have ever found my writing helpful or insightful, or you just think I’m cute, it’s an easy (and cheap) way to show your support – a big thank you to those who have contributed so far!

As usual, please feel free to ask me any questions in the comments or email me at


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s